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Ashish Shakya

Dear Indians, On behalf of the Pakistani government, I’d like to reach into my Big Bag O’ Cliches and condemn the recent attack on an Indian BSF convoy in the Udhampur district of northeastern Pakistan Jammu and Kashmir.

Articles by Ashish Shakya

An open letter from Pak foreign office to citizens of India

Dear Indians, On behalf of the Pakistani government, I’d like to reach into my Big Bag O’ Cliches and condemn the recent attack on an Indian BSF convoy in the Udhampur district of northeastern Pakistan Jammu and Kashmir.

You-apprehended-one-of-the-terrorists-who-claims-he-s-Pakistani-and-it-doesn-t-help-that-he-looks-like-Kasab-on-day-six-of-a-juice-cleanse-An-extract-from-Ashish-Shakya-s-column-Disclaimer-This-is-a-humour-column-meant-solely-for-entertainment-Ashish-Shakya-is-a-stand-up-comedian-and-not-a-real-journalist
Updated on Aug 10, 2015 03:23 AM IST
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Seven Old Monk facts that may or may not be made up

Seven Old Monk facts that may or may not be made up

Old Monk Rum is one of the oldest and best selling rum all over the world. Its history began in 1855 since the producer Mohan Meakin Ltd. by Edward Dyer established its brewery, at Kasauli in the Himalayan Mountains. (Credit: Twitter)
Updated on Jul 20, 2015 09:55 AM IST
None | By, Mumbai

F.R.I.E.N.D.S anniversary: We were all part of the cool gang, 20 years ago

F.R.I.E.N.D.S is said to be responsible for the rise of everything from a certain haircut to coffee sales to awkward guys using sarcasm as a defence mechanism because clearly, that’s all we do all the time for no reason.

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Updated on Sep 22, 2014 06:12 PM IST
Hindustan Times | By, Mumbai

Why keeping up with pop culture isn't a great thing

Struggling to cope with opinions and feelings on Twitter, Facebook and god alone know what else? Ashish Shakya was too, until he realised how silly he was being.

Updated on Aug 02, 2014 07:31 PM IST
Hindustan Times | By

This headline contains zero AAP puns

The one thing that I'm really looking forward to in 2014 is the rise of the Aam Aadmi Party. Let's face it - everyone loves a good underdog story, unless their name is Sheila Dixit.

Updated on Jan 06, 2014 06:03 PM IST

Warning: Indian Politics May Be Injurious To Sane People

Google celebrated its 15th birthday with a piñata doodle on its homepage, thereby overclocking the already melted brains of Candy Crush slaves. Whacking away at the hapless decoration...

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Updated on Sep 29, 2013 03:15 PM IST
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To boldly go where no Indian has ever gone before...

Every once in a while, I feel like getting out of my comfort zone and doing something totally wild, like sleeping with the AC at 22 instead of 24, or going into outer space.

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Updated on Sep 15, 2013 02:34 AM IST
Hindustan Times | By

I love the smell of surveillance in the morning

Thirty years ago, the Internet was invented after American scientists got annoyed at having to lug around hard disks the size of Kurla just so they could watch two pixels worth of Sasha Grey. Ashish Shakya writes.

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Updated on Jun 16, 2013 02:30 AM IST

The perils of my big fat Indian bachelorhood

I hereby take this opportunity to declare myself an expert on weddings. Ashish Shakya writes.

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Updated on Jun 02, 2013 01:32 AM IST
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A spot-fixer always knows where his towel is

Unless you’ve been living under a rock in some remote medieval outpost like, say, Kolkata, you’re aware of the latest blow inflicted upon the noble character of the T20 by Rajasthan Royals bowler and part-time item number, Sreesanth. Ashish Shakya writes.

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Updated on May 19, 2013 01:24 AM IST
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Unofficial guide to slapping summer in the face

It’s that time of the year when you’re bombarded with headlines like ‘23 Ways To Beat The Heat!’, ‘Sweat: It’s Like Drool, But From Your Armpits!’, and ‘It’s Totally Okay To Sell Your Kids For a Box Of Mangoes!’ In keeping with that theme, I present the only real solution to summer, ie leave. Head to the hills and come back only after the dawn of winter. Ashish Shakya writes.

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Updated on May 12, 2013 10:13 AM IST
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Ask not what your country can ban for you

This week Goa banned drinking on its beaches, which sounds about as blasphemous as banning siestas in Goa, writes Ashish Shakya.

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Updated on Apr 28, 2013 01:48 AM IST
Hindustan Times | By

If you’re fit and you know it, wiggle your pecs

Like most people, I can honestly say that fitness has always been my number one priority, unless I have to deal with more pressing concerns during the day, such as my job, my sleep, a new book, a new TV show, a new movie... Ashish Shakya writes.

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Updated on Apr 21, 2013 02:51 AM IST

We came, we saw, we Jumping Jhapaked

You can imagine my reaction when a friend told me that he had good seats for Saturday’s Mumbai-Pune T20 match at Wankhede, and invited me to join him.

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Updated on Apr 14, 2013 12:46 AM IST
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Wild, Wild West: No suburbs for old men

If I could buy a nice house anywhere in Bombay, I’d pick Bandra Bandstand,” I often tell myself, before collapsing in a pile of tears, because I’d only be able to afford it if I were reincarnated as Laxmi, writes Ashish shakya.

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Updated on Apr 07, 2013 01:23 AM IST
Hindustan Times | By, Mumbai

Big Brother likes to peep into your big tent

Google hosted the Big Tent Summit in New Delhi this week, bringing together under one-roof politicians, thinkers, speakers and item numbers, all of whom were Shashi Tharoor.

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Updated on Mar 24, 2013 01:12 AM IST
None | By

Men in tights, brought to you by Testosterone

This week saw the passing of Paul Bearer, who had made a living by carrying around a mystical urn that granted powers to his friend, an undead beast with eyes so empty and soulless, you’d think they were donated by Arjun Rampal, Ashish shakya writes.

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Updated on Mar 10, 2013 12:41 AM IST
Hindustan Times | By, Mumbai

It's a bird, it's a plane, it's a gigantic fireball

I don't mean to be a pessimist but given the problems plaguing the world today it is safe to assume that the future will also be a giant load of bollocks deep-fried in misery. Ashish Shakya writes.

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Updated on Feb 24, 2013 12:45 AM IST

This Valentine’s: Ask and ye shall receive

This Valentine’s Day, I told readers I’d offer them useless advice about their love problems, whether it be the usual ‘How do I tell her I like her?’ to the offbeat ‘I’m attracted to a beanbag because it looks like Sonakshi Sinha’.

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Updated on Feb 17, 2013 01:12 AM IST
Hindustan Times | By

Peace formula: Keep calm and ban everything

Once again, India was witness to a colossal whirlwind of stupidity when it had to stop sparring with Pakistan over Kashmir for a while and divert its attention to something far more important — the well-being of Shah Rukh Khan. Ashish shakya writes.

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Updated on Feb 03, 2013 01:35 AM IST
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In the city, it’s all about loving your privacy

So I came across an interesting survey this week, which talked about the notion of privacy amongst Mumbai’s youth. When asked what privacy meant to them, 35% of the respondents answered ‘solitude’, while the rest were too busy trying to free their faces from random armpits.

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Updated on Dec 16, 2012 01:43 AM IST
Hindustan Times | By, Mumbai

The idiot's guide to home management

What do you do when you leave home in a hurry and return a few days later to find that you'd left a couple of unwashed pots and pans to fester in the kitchen sink, thus turning it into a vat of toxic slush that smells like Mithi river hooked up with Mulayam Singh's armpit? Ashish Shakya writes.

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Updated on Dec 02, 2012 12:20 AM IST

Wake up and smell the old people!

It’s been a strange week. A Haryanvi khap leader went on national television to declare that rapes were caused by chow mein, a conclusion he arrived at via the scientific method of being dropped on the head as an inbred baby. Ashish Shakya writes.

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Updated on Oct 21, 2012 12:44 AM IST
None | By

This is a humour column titled ‘humour column’

By now you must be aware of the hype created by a certain offensive piece of tripe masquerading as a film.

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Updated on Sep 23, 2012 01:28 AM IST
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A 1,000-mile journey begins with a joke

I don’t like to brag, unless I’m certain it’ll grab the attention of thousands of people, so this seems like a good place to do it. Earlier this week, I got to do my first-ever international stand-up gig. Alright, so it was in Dubai, which is basically Kerala with better-looking people, but it still counts, okay?

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Updated on Sep 09, 2012 01:00 AM IST
Hindustan Times | By, Mumbai

Wine makes the world go swirl, sip, spit

If there’s one thing I’m good at, it’s growing older. No seriously, I’m a natural. Over the course of these years, I have done many things that you do when you grow older: I’ve paid taxes, got my own place, managed to not burn down my own place and so on. Ashish shakya writes.

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Updated on Aug 26, 2012 02:27 AM IST
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If you’re Indian and you know it, watch TV!

Friends, Indians, countrymen and six million illegal Bangladeshi immigrants living under my sink, I want to wish you all a very happy Independence Day. Ashish Shakya writes.

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Updated on Aug 12, 2012 01:30 AM IST
None | By, Mumbai

The Indian man's guide to the world's favourite sport

As the world continues to spiral towards inevitable doom, and as headlines about riots, drought, recession and global warming continue to slap us in the face every morning, I think it is imperative that I raise some serious issues, like the fact that cheesy pick-up lines are making a comeback on the dating scene. Ashish Shakya writes.

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Updated on Jul 29, 2012 01:54 AM IST
Hindustan Times | By

The week when India went full retard. Again

Stop reading this column. No, really. It doesn’t offer magic solutions, and it will not change the country you and I live in. It reeks of helplessness, and of a young woman whose images were seared into national consciousness, destroying the notion of Indian propriety that we’d been cuddling with all these years.

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Updated on Jul 15, 2012 01:12 AM IST
Hindustan Times | By

Take me down to Paradise City, where it's not flooded

While you guys were stuck in gutters masquerading as roads, I spent the past week in a verdant, faraway land, watching majestic grey clouds ride in on the backs of winds, and unleash what can only be described as furious lovemaking manifest as rain.

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Updated on Jul 08, 2012 01:31 AM IST
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