Remembering Manmohan Singh: Why praise should be habitual, not posthumous
‘Did Dr Manmohan Singh ever feel the warmth of admiration that he is receiving now, during his lifetime,’ write Sudhir Mishra and Yakshna Sharma
“I hope history will be kinder to me”, said the late former Prime Minister Manmohan Singh, whom we have lost yesterday. What comes to my mind while hearing these poignant words is that they beg a question: what must a person endure to hope for kindness not in life, but in retrospect? As I scroll through my social media, I saw tributes flooding in the Instagram posts and news articles, celebrating his contribution in transforming India’s economy, I cannot help but wonder if he ever felt the warmth of admiration that he is receiving now, during his lifetime. Mr. Singh’s silence in self promotion wasn’t his weakness at all, but a deliberate choice he made, prioritising actions over accolades, working towards the welfare of nation instead of prioritising personal branding. It heartbreaking that the world now celebrates what we should have acknowledged when he was there to see, as all these tributes seem futile to me as the one they honour is no longer to see them.

It isn’t just a reflection of Singh’s journey- but a human tendency of our collective reluctance to acknowledge, appreciate and celebrate people while they’re still with us. So much so that, it takes inality of death to teach us a lesson on power of our words, which could bring healing, joy, encouragement and contentment, only if spoken in time.
Perhaps because death has its way of exposing the delicate fragility of life and the burden of unspoken praise that we deliberately hold back, presuming that there will always be enough time, only to realise that we will never have that chance again, given the unpredictably short life. And so, let's ensure that this does not become our shared regret. Because, in the world where we calculate every penny to be spent, praise comes as a free gift to be given candidly, by just using free words and actions to tell the people who matter in our life- that they are loved, valued and immensely appreciated.
As Maya Angelou rightly said, “People will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel”. This profound observation captures the very essence of praise as it is not just a courteous gesture, but an essential ingredient for building a resilient relationship, both personal and professional leaving a lasting impact on people around you.
Since the first time when we were praised by our mothers for taking those tiny steps to finishing our homework on time, to moments when a teacher acknowledges our progress in school to applauding our talent, these instances shaped our self-perception significantly. The impact of praise on us is in the validation it provides, making us feel heard, seen and appreciated in this fast paced world driven by metrics of achievements, where nuances and efforts are often overlooked.
If we witness life from an eagle’s eye point of view, we will realise that beneath these layers of responsibility, people—young and old—are still children at heart, longing for love, validation, and acceptance. The father who spends his life savings on his child’s wedding to going beyond his capacity to fulfill his child’s wish, just wants to be loved and valued in the eyes of his kids and sometimes, the society. The grandmother who cooks your favourite meal whenever you visit her, seeks the same thing: a sense of being valued. And therefore, Praise is no less than a valuable emotional currency that quenches the deep human desire of being valued.
When Praise becomes a habit, it does more than just make someone feel good- it transforms environments. In workplaces, homes, and schools, praise encourages motivation, belongingness and confidence. I am certain that I don’t need to quote any study done by some leading psychology journal as we don’t need any statistics to tell us what we already experience, that praise satisfies a very fundamental need of the human subconscious which is validation. A boss who regularly validates his employees will find them more likely to be engaged in work wholeheartedly, exhibiting higher productivity and less likely to leave their jobs. One can easily tell that a good manager or a leader has this trait, because it nurtures satisfaction and loyalty within their team.
But we know that sometimes praise can feel uncomfortable for the one receiving it. Many people struggle with taking compliments, unsure about how they should react to it, either accept graciously or defect with modesty. Such reaction stems from the underlying subconscious reason, because we become emotionally vulnerable, feeling emotionally exposed when we are recognised and admired unexpectedly. To overcome this, we must foster a culture where receiving and giving praise feels natural, as gratitude has been scientifically proven to reduce stress and increase positive emotions.
But praises can be of two types, and have different levels of impact on different people. Over-the-top inflated compliments can discourage people with low self-esteem as it sets unrealistic standards for them to perform, whereas modest praise attuned to the recipient’s efforts and ability, ignites exploration and growth. Weirdly so, but people with high self-esteem will react differently to modest praise and might feel discouraged since they will respond better to challenges rather than reassurances. It is important for us to comprehend this nuanced difference to make impactful praises and get interpreted rightly by the perceiver.
Generic compliments are boring and hold little meaning. Specificity is the key to effective impactful praise, instead of generic compliments. Instead of saying, “You are a great lawyer”, consider saying, “The way you’ve argued the adverse and complex contention demonstrates poise and confidence and is remarkably impressive”. Such targeted compliments not only recognise someone’s effort but also motivate them for further development.
We can not end this discussion without discussing about pretentious and genuine praise. One needs no test, but you can yourself feel it. Normally, people tend to compliment people from whom they wish to extract something out: whether a professional deal or a personal commitment. Usually we have a personal vendetta besides admiring someone, if it's not just out of habit. But, next time consciously praise the guard who watches out for your security, the cook who makes delicious food for you and the driver who waits for you patiently while you are having your good time. These people might not seem significant in professional and personal terms but are the bedrock in assisting and making your day-to-day life smooth.
A manager who appreciates an employee’s efforts encourages them to uplift their peers through acknowledgment and praise. A teacher applauding a student’s persistence instills a lifelong value for effort. Entire communities can be uplifted by a single voice of recognition. The impact of praise transcends individual interaction, creating a ripple effect, cultivating a culture of mutual appreciation, ultimately reshaping narratives and turning competition into collaboration at workplaces and replacing criticism with encouragement within families. And in society, it cultivates a culture of consideration and inclusivity.
So, if you come across something praiseworthy next time, pause for a moment to appreciate it, be it a kid’s curiosity or a colleague’s resilience or your driver’s patience. Telling a friend that he always knows the right words to say when you are vulnerable or telling your partner that their kindness inspires you to be a better person every day can deepen the emotional connection you have with them. Yet, such praise remains woefully underrated, hoarded as though it costs us more than it gives. As Dale Carnegie in his famous book “How to Win Friends and Influence People”, rightly stated, “Be hearty in your approbation and lavish in your praise.”
And as the Hon’ble Late Former Prime Minister Manmohan Singh once recited in the Parliament on 23rd March 2011: “maanā ki terī diid ke qābil nahīñ huuñ maiñ tū merā shauq dekh mirā intizār dekh”
Today, I can imagine him smiling from his heavenly abode, content that his wait and longing for acceptance, love, and validation has finally come to an end.
— Authors: Sudhir Mishra, Managing Partner, Trust Legal Advocates & Consultants and Yakshna Sharma, Associate, Trust Legal Advocates & Consultants
