Everything you need to know about new Gen-Z relationship term zombieing
A new term making a buzz on social media is zombie dating or zombieing.
In today’s lovescape, finding love isn’t for the fainthearted, whether it is via dating apps, friends setting you up or having parents involved. And if you are on the dating scene, you have probably come across dating terms like situationship, breadcrumbing, love-bombing or ghosting. A new term making a buzz on social media is zombie dating or zombieing.
What is it?
Being ghosted is when someone who you have been casually dating ignores you and stops responding completely. Taking this one step further, zombieing is a term used to suggest returning from the dead, explainsShahzeen Shivdasani, relationship expert, adding, “It is when someone who has ghosted you suddenly reappears. This can happen through text, phone calls, social media or any other forms of communication.”
A common occurrence
For six years, Reema Sen, a media professional, dealt with a man who wouldn’t commit to her. She says, “I was a young girl and was talking to this guy. We decided to meet up. He picked me up in his car and we drove around for a bit. He asked me to come over to his house and after I got home, feeling all happy, in-love.” But that was when the zombieing began as he would say he was busy or would go radio silent on me and then reach out after a while. Sen says, “His behaviour made me feel horrible. It made me question every guy I met. Even today, I push away any guy who tries to emotionally connect with me as I feel they will leave me one day.”
On the other hand, Ahanna Patel was quick to spot the trend and put a stop to it. “I had matched with a guy on a dating app, and while I kept my conversation clear and quick, it wasn’t the same for him. He wouldn’t reply for hours and then come back without even a hello or a basic apology. At first, I didn’t think much of it, but a month later, he stopped responding at all. Recently, he reached out, gave no explanation for his disappearance and showered me with compliments. We decided to meet up for coffee. On the day of the date, he stood me up. A week later, he texted me again without any explanation nothing but a, “Yo cutie! Tomorrow?”
However, it is not just women who face this issue. Ajay Lodha met and became friends with Janhavi back in 2018. “We had been friends for a while and when someone in her family had a medical emergency, I had helped her out with money. After that, I never heard back from her again. She then reached out again late last year and gave me a sob story. I was in a tough spot emotionally as my grandmum had just passed away and needed someone familiar to lean on. But she had a habit of disappearing for a few months and then reappearing with no excuses or justifications. She would always ask for monetary help.” Since he assumed they were good friends, Lodha says her zombieing him “definitely hurt”. “Our friendship seemed trivial as she didn't respect me and only reached out when she needed help. I stopped giving her time of the day when I recognised her pattern.”
How to spot one?
Shivdasani explains that if you've been ghosted by someone and they suddenly reappear in yout life without any explanation, acting like nothing has gone wrong, you've been zombied. “The most common reason for someone to reappear like this could be out of boredom, the need for a source of entertainment, seeking validation or simply thinking about themselves. You can easily spot a zombie because they'll wait for enough time to pass, hoping you've forgotten about their rude behaviour of ghosting,” adds Shivdasani.
How to deal with someone who zombies?
When dealing with someone who has zombied you, I would strongly suggest not letting them back into your life. Shahzeen Shivdasani, relationship expert, says, “Firstly, there should be a reason for their initial disappearance that shows accountability. If they give you that, and you find the reason valid, and believe the person can still add value to your life, then you can consider letting them back in.” However, if you're given zero explanation, and the person is trying to creep back into your life, know that it's for their own reasons. Don't let anyone treat you like an option. Remember, if they've already gotten away with this behavior, it's just a matter of time until they do it again.
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