5 ways to protect children from sexual abuse
Sexual abuse can happen to children of any race, socioeconomic group, religion or culture. It is extremely important to prepare and educate your child in order to protect them from being a victim of sexual abuse.
We provide a variety of safety lessons for our young children. We instruct kids on safety precautions such as watching the hot stove and looking both ways before crossing the street. However, body safety is typically not taught until a much later age until it is too late. Research conducted by the Centers for Disease Control (CDC) estimates that approximately 1 in 6 boys and 1 in 4 girls are sexually abused before the age of 18. Sexual abuse can happen to children of any race, socioeconomic group, religion or culture. India reported over 24 lakh instances of online child sexual abuse during three year period between 2017-20 with 80 per cent of the victims being girls below the age of 14 years, according to Interpol data. It is extremely important to prepare your children and have a conversation about sexual abuse in order to prevent them from being a victim. (Also read: Parenting tips: 6 body safety rules to teach your kids )
Lexi Koster, a Certified Clinical Trauma Specialist and Sexual Violence Prevention & Response Educator, suggested 5 ways to protect your children from sexual abuse in her Instagram post.
1. Talk about secrets
Remind children of the difference between secrets and surprises. Perpetrators have been known to use secret keeping as a tool to secure protection from punishment and accountability. Any secrets, especially ones which make children feel worried scared or sad are not safe. Surprises, however; are different and okay because they will eventually be shared with others.
2. Talk about instincts and supports
Teach children about instincts and what they mean. Make sure they know the difference between feeling safe vs. unsafe, scared, worried, sad, etc. Use body-based examples such as "butterflies in the tummy", "shaky", and "heart beating fast" to help them understand. Let them know that you are a safe person to talk to any time their bodies are feeling unsafe.
3. Arrive early and unexpectedly
Whether it is with a piano teacher, family member, or babysitter we all have times when we have to trust other adults with our children. Unfortunately, it is these adults who have isolated, 1 on-1 time with kids who are most likely to do them harm. Make your involvement and presence known by arriving to pick up your child early and unexpectedly. Take note of how the adult reacts when you do this, and do a brief body safety check-in with your child afterwards.
4. Supervise their play
About 40% of all child sexual abuse is perpetrated by other juveniles during playdates, sleepovers, family gatherings, etc. Create an open door policy when kids are playing and minimize opportunities for isolation. Check in regularly and unexpectedly. Prior to playdates, remind your child about consent and body safety. This will help them create a healthy expectation of how others should be treating them and vice versa. Do a body safety check-in afterwards.
5. Expect other adults to abide by your body safety rules
Does your sister demand kisses from your kids? Does your babysitter tickle your kids when they don't want it? Does your child's school/daycare have Child Sexual Abuse (CSA) prevention mechanisms in place? It is absolutely reasonable to expect that the people and institutions we trust our children with are educated on how to keep them safe. Make your stance on CSA prevention known and demand that folks do what they can to prioritize it.
What to ask during a body-safety check-in
• What was high and low of your day?
• Did anything interesting or different happen?
• What games did you play & with whom?
• Were you comfortable doing all of those things?
• Did they make you feel happy and safe the whole time?
• Did anything happen that confused or worried you?
• What did you have the most fun doing today?
Check-ins are a conversation, not an interrogation. Keep it casual and show your genuine interest in what they did. Make sure they know that you will never be upset with them for sharing. Avoid threatening to bring harm to perpetrators as this may deter children from sharing if the perpetrator is someone they love, trust, like, etc.