Common family teachings that continue dysfunction
From dismissing the child to teaching them to be quiet, here are a few common family teachings that can lead to more family dysfunction.
When we are brought up in dysfunctional families, we carry childhood trauma into adult relationships later in our lives. In dysfunctional families, a child does not receive the love and care that they crave in their childhood. Brought up around emotionally immature parents and caregivers can make them feel that they are not valued and loved. This can further impact their sense of self-worth and identity. They grow up believing in a normal that is harmful for their mental and emotional health. Family dysfunction can continue for generations. Generational trauma happens because we carry the same trauma into the next generation, and then the cycle goes on. This also happens because of a few teachings that are taught to us in our childhood. Certain common family teachings can lead us to continue with the trauma over generations because of the way we are convinced. Therapist Klara Kernig shared a few family teachings that help in continuing dysfunction:
Children should be seen and not heard: This implies that children should learn to keep quiet without voicing their opinions or the way they feel emotionally. This further makes us suppress our emotions and feel undervalued and ignored by our family members.
We should be grateful for what we have: Gratitude is a significant virtue that should be taught to children at an early age – however, this teaching is often used in the pretext of dismissing any kind of wrongdoing from the caregiver's part.
Blood is thicker than water: This is a harmful teaching taught to children in dysfunctional families who grow up believing that even if the family members treat them wrong, they should treat family as their biggest priority, without complaining.
Do as I say, not as I do: This teaching implies that children should abide by what the parent says, but they should not judge the parent based on things that they do.
You're too young to understand: This dismisses a child from learning about the happenings and makes them feel inferior and unimportant in the family.