Constant bickering affecting your relationship? Here are 5 ways to de-escalate - Hindustan Times

Is constant bickering in your relationship getting out of hand? Here are 5 ways to help you de-escalate

Aug 24, 2023 08:49 PM IST

Learn the art of de-escalation with these five effective ways suggested by relationship expert to resolve conflict and create harmony in your relationships.

Most relationships, friendships and jobs involve disagreement at some point. We will eventually encounter someone's point of view or an issue with which we disagree as humans are social creatures. We all experience conflict at some point in our lives, whether it is due to a difference in values or a simple miscommunication. Unfortunately, if the conflict is not resolved effectively, it can often turn violent. Despite our best efforts, it can be difficult to remain objective. Every argument is different, but many of them have some things in common. By learning the art of de-escalation you can create harmony in your all relationships whether romantic, friendship or professional. (Also read: From swipe to safe meetup: 8 essential tips for ensuring your safety when meeting people from dating apps )

In the heat of the moment, disagreements can quickly escalate into bickering, creating tension and hindering effective communication.(Pexels )
In the heat of the moment, disagreements can quickly escalate into bickering, creating tension and hindering effective communication.(Pexels )

Tips for De-Escalating Bickering

Clinton Power, relationship counsellor and marriage therapist shared in his recent Instagram post five effective ways to de-escalate when you find yourself bickering.

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1. Going around in circles as you argue?

Does this discussion sound familiar to you? Take a 20-minute break when you hear yourself arguing in circles. It's crucial to press the pause button if you can't solve a simple problem in 5–10 minutes and are continually covering the same area.

Practice this: Choose to pause for a brief period. If you become frustrated, disagreements often become more heated. Recognize the need to change the subject, the volume, or the timing of the conversation. If you are agitated, change your environment or activity and try self-soothing.

2. Stick to one issue

Jumping from complaint to complaint is another sign bickering has become a habit. If you're wanting to solve an issue, focus on one problem and aim for a team approach with your partner rather than blame or criticism.

Practice this: Try saying, "We've got off track. Let's talk about this issue today and we can talk about each other later."

3. Stay curious about their point of view

We often come into an argument wanting to be understood by our partners. However, it's equally crucial to make an effort to comprehend our partner's perspective. Finding answers and developing empathy for one another are more possible when you consider problems from both sides.

Practice this: Consider asking, "How is this for you?" Being interested in your partner's perspective demonstrates respect and listening.

4. Listen for feelings

Your partner may be bickering about the dishes, but what are they really feeling? Often, bickering occurs when people feel unappreciated. Or is your partner tired? Stressed about work? It can be easier to bicker about silly things than to address bigger relationship problems or feelings.

Practice this: Try asking, "Are you okay? How are you feeling?

5. Make repair attempts

When partners argue, a light touch on the shoulder, a private joke, or a smile can change the mood and help restore whatever connection has been damaged by fighting. Bring some humour or joy into the conversation.

Practice this: Look for opportunities to make and receive repair attempts. Start with a gentle smile. You can disagree and still act like loving partners.

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