Reasons why you may never feel good enough for your parents
From setting unrealistic expectations to being compared with other children, here are a few reasons why we never feel that we are good enough for our parents.
Often when we are brought up in dysfunctional homes, we struggle to be at par with the expectations of the parents. The absence of the love, care and affection received by us makes us feel that we are not good enough. Also, sometimes the unrealistic expectations set by the parents and caregivers make us strive for more. "Most children of an emotionally immature parent struggle to feel good enough because of their parents' unrealistic expectations, inconsistent validation, conditional love, emotional manipulation, and other damaging behaviors projected by their parent. These experiences can have long-lasting effects on your self-esteem and emotional well-being, and often end up being an issue in your romantic relationships," wrote Therapist Morgan Pommells.
Morgan further noted down a few reasons why we may never we good enough for our parents:
Their love is rooted in what we achieve: Often the parents set limits and expectations for us. They mention to us that their love bears the conditions of how good we perform and what we achieve in life. This makes us feel that we are not good enough.
Unrealistic and perfectionist expectations: No matter how many impossible expectations we end up meeting, the parents will always keep setting standards higher than the last time. Hence, we will never be able to achieve them.
Guilt and manipulation techniques: Sometimes parents use guilt and manipulation techniques on us. Hence, we start to internalise that we are responsible for keeping them happy. This makes us feel a lot of guilt when they are upset.
Inconsistency with affection and praise: Sometimes the parents are extremely affectionate to us, and in the next minute, they are indifferent. This makes us feel that we do not deserve their love and that we are not good enough for them.
Comparison with others: We are constantly compared with other children and our peers by our parents, making us focus on our shortcomings, instead of our abilities.