Relationship tips: Essential compatibility questions for couples to determine true connection while dating

Aug 16, 2023 10:36 AM IST

Compatibility is crucial in a lasting connection. Relationship therapist Erica Turner shares 21 questions to help you determine compatibility while dating.

As two individuals come together, each with their unique personalities, dreams, and quirks, the concept of compatibility becomes a central theme. While sparks may fly and hearts may race, it's the deeper understanding of compatibility that truly lays the foundation for a lasting connection. Asking each other compatibility questions for couples is the best way to build a strong connection. Every couple hopes to experience eternal happiness. However, more than simply external looks are required for two people to have a good friendship. Your relationship's strongest element is compatibility, which holds it together. People only connect when their precise gaps perfectly fill each other, much like jigsaw puzzle pieces. (Also read: Busting myths related to compatibility in relationships )

While sparks may fly and hearts may race, it's the deeper understanding of compatibility that truly lays the foundation for a lasting connection. (Pexels )
While sparks may fly and hearts may race, it's the deeper understanding of compatibility that truly lays the foundation for a lasting connection. (Pexels )

Erica Turner, Relationship Therapist and Dating Coach, shared in her recent Instagram post the true meaning of compatibility and some important questions that can help you to determine compatibility while dating.

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What is compatibility?

  • True compatibility in a relationship means that you are aligned when it comes to expectations and preferences on how you relate and how you want to be treated.
  • You are compatible with someone if you are similar when it comes to key patterns of relating like honesty, listening, vulnerability, respect, communication, emotional availability, and empathy.
  • You are compatible when you and your partner are able to meet each other's needs and align in terms of values, lifestyle and preferences.

"It takes time to assess true compatibility so the best way to figure this out is to take your foot off the gas and enjoy the process of dating and simply getting to know someone through your interactions with them. You cannot fast-track this process and know all the answers right now. Remember, there is no perfectly compatible partner. It’s about finding a partner who has a willingness to navigate through the incompatibilities that are bound to exist, and not let those things erode the relationship. It’s time to stop betraying yourself in order to try to make a relationship work and start honouring yourself and your true thoughts, feelings, & needs. It is through honouring yourself that you will align with a truly compatible partner," says Erica.

Questions to help determine compatibility while dating

1. Does this person show a genuine interest in getting to know you? Do they ask you questions? Do they carve out time to spend with you?

2. Is this person emotionally available? Do they share their feelings and lean in when you share yours? Or are they inconsistent, hot & cold, and only available on their terms?

3. Do you feel confused, anxious, or uncertain about where you stand with this person or do they make their intentions clear?

4. Do you share the same core values (i.e. respect, communication, vulnerability, honesty)?

5. What are your relationship standards and does this person meet those standards? Do they respect your boundaries?

7. How do you feel when you are around them (i.e. calm, anxious, relaxed, confused)?

8. Do you really like this person or do you just want a relationship?

9. Has this person shown themselves to be consistent & reliable over an extended period of time?

10. Is this person willing and able to compromise?

11. Do you feel comfortable sharing your needs within the relationship?

12. How does this person react when you express your needs? Do they respond in a way that you want your future partner to respond?

13. Do you have similar long-term relationship goals and preferences? (i.e. kids, no kids, marriage, no marriage?)

14. Can you communicate in a healthy way (i.e. respect, honesty, open-mind, non-judgmental, directly) even when it comes to difficult topics?

15. Can this person be empathetic? Are they someone you can rely on & trust for support if needed?

16. Is this person able to apologize, admit to their faults, and take accountability for their mistakes (as opposed to deflecting or blaming you)?

17. Does this person have their own interests passions and goals outside of your relationship and do they encourage you to do the same?

18. Do you feel safe to express concerns, problems, or issues with the relationship?

19. How does this person handle conflict? Are they able to be open-minded, listen, and seek to gain understanding? Or do they become defensive, withdrawn, belittling, or invalidating?

20. How does this person handle differences? Are they respectful and accepting of your perspective and preferences?

21. What do you want to feel in a relationship and does this person create an environment that evokes that feeling?

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