Ways to create the love we desire
From regulating emotions to normalising being unhappy, here are a few ways to create the love we desire.
From childhood, we have been conditioned to believe in a romanticised version of love. We think that when we find the person who is meant to be with us, everything else magically falls into place. However, the truth is, there is no one perfect person for us. A relationship requires conscious effort, compromise, understanding, loyalty and trust from both ends to make things smooth and successful. A long-term relationship deserves a lot of effort, and it should come from both the people involved in the relationship. However, since we put in a lot of energy and emotions in a relationship, we also feel compelled to stay back even when things turn unhealthy or toxic for us. "In reality, relationships take intentional work, efforts, and learning of new skills. If we choose to have a long-term relationship, it requires us to invest in ourselves and another person," wrote Psychologist Nicole LePera as she explained the idea of relationships.
The Psychologist further noted down a few ways by which we can invest emotions and create a love that we desire and deserve:
Words match with actions: often people make promises to us and then when it comes to action, they do the exact opposite. If we want a relationship with an authentic person, we should observe how they match their actions with the words they tell us.
Limit family opinions: Every relationship has its own set of rules by which it may work out. What may work for one relationship may not work at all for the other. Hence, we should limit the opinions of others when it comes to the relationship.
Regulate the emotions: Learning to regulate our own emotions will help us to become more aware of the feelings we have. This provides more clarity and hence, we can create a healthy space in a relationship.
Learn repair: Most relationships fail because we do not know how to repair them after a conflict. Learning to find ways to repair, talk things out and respect the emotions of each other after a conflict helps in putting things in better perspective.
Give grace: Everyone goes through their own bad moods and dark period. We should learn to give grace to the other person, and also to ourselves.
Normalise being unhappy: It is not always possible for a relationship to keep us happy all the time. Sometimes it is okay if we are unhappy. We need to learn to normalise that.