Kate Middleton's brother James Middleton opens up about suicidal thoughts, bond with Prince William
James Middleton, brother of Kate Middleton, recounted a moment when he hit rock bottom and described being overwhelmed and suicidal.
James Middleton, Kate Middleton's younger brother, shared his fight with mental health in his new memoir- Meet Ella: The Dog Who Saved My Life. The book, which is set to be released on September 24, offers an emotional peek into James' challenges, including his suicidal thoughts.
In a recently published piece from the Daily Mail, the 37-year-old Middleton recounted a moment when he hit rock bottom and described being overwhelmed and suicidal.
James on mental health challenges and suicide:
In the beginning of the excerpt, he shared how "all the colour leached out of his life." He goes on to write any time he is outside of his home, whether at a party or even at the theatre, he feels like leaving and says that he has no purpose or direction. (Also Read: James Middleton shares rare photos offering glimpse into family life: ‘I wish moments like this could last forever’)
"There is a constant noise in my head like a radio that cannot be tuned; an unnerving crackle and buzz. The moment I find the delicate balance and the noise eases, the tiniest flinch of a muscle will set it off again. Life is no longer worth living. I feel suicidal. I contemplate ways of dying so I can get off the giddy roller-coaster that is sending me to the brink of madness. I cannot sleep because my mind is in tumult. The insomnia is dizzying. I am utterly exhausted," wrote James Middleton in the excerpt.
He also added that due to his struggles he pushed away his parents, his sisters Catherine and Pippa, and their husbands William and James as well.
How did James' dog Ella helped him overcome his suicidal thoughts?
James talks about an extremely dark day in November 2017 when he thought about ending his own life. He weighs on his plans to jump off a London rooftop and wonders over how his family would be affected by his passing. However, while contemplating taking his own life, he looks down at his dog, Ella, on whom he relies. That's when he takes a step back and eventually decides not to jump. (Also Read: Kate Middleton’s brother James shares cover of his long-awaited memoir, know all about it)
“In that instant, I know I will not jump. What would happen to Ella if I died? How long would she wait alone in the flat for someone to find her? I have loved her with every bit of my being since she was a tiny, sightless, newborn pup. She has been my companion, my hope, my support through my darkest days. She has loved me unconditionally, faithfully.”
He further wrote, “Even when I have felt that the labour of living is not worth the effort, I’ve taken her for walks and fed her. She gave me purpose, a reason to be. How could I contemplate leaving her now? What would she do without me?Suddenly I realise that in the chill of the winter air I am shivering in my pyjamas. It is as if, for a second, reality has intruded. I haul myself back from the brink, slowly climb down the ladder and stroke Ella’s silky head. She is the reason I do not take that fatal leap. She is Ella, the dog who saved my life.”
James' bond with Prince William:
Shortly after overcoming his suicidal thoughts, James revealed he was taken aback Princess Kate and Prince William asked him to do a Bible reading on their big day at Westminster Abbey. Though, since James has dyslexia, reading is his last favourite thing to do. However, he still practiced over and over again to deliver his best.
“I am grateful to Catherine and William, whose work in the field of mental health has given them valuable knowledge and understanding. My parents rely on them, and Pippa, to try to breach the impenetrable wall of my silence,” shared James.
If you or someone you know is struggling with suicidal thoughts, you can reach out to iCall, a suicide prevention helpline at 9152987821.